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week 15

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Hoorayy! we made it till the end and even finished our mission statement! And we came up with a hashtag too which i thought was pretty cool. i don't know if people are going to bother reading the rest of these reflections, but I just wanted to say, I was contemplating just saying the fact that i am pencilcase today in class. Now i know that may have been silly to do in the last session, but i wanted to explain why i had previously felt very against the idea of "coming out" and it may add to our papers' analysis on this simulation. For what its worth, I'm writing it just in case i want to include it in my paper. Do I regret not having said anything earlier? Yes, I do. Of course it's pointless now that time has run out, but I'm suddenly curious to know what the conversation would have looked like if i said the very things i say in these reflections in class. However, i do not really blame myself because the reasons why i didn't want to are pretty fair. First, i think everytime people spoke about difference or confrontation, they were mainly thinking about my original post. When i wrote that, i didn't know it was going to blow up. It's really weird sitting among people who are all talking about you but they don't know it. Though i feel like most of you all could take a really good guess now lol, i felt awkward previously. and i didn't know how to state my opinions while not pointing arrows at the fact that I'm pencilcase. So  i didn't, but i did talk about it with 2 people outside of class. I think i found it easier to speak with one person rather than a whole group of people who are clearly against me, or rather, have very strong differing opinions. I very much was avoiding confrontation. Personality wise, i hate confrontation. I'm definitely a go with the flow type of person if it means less conflict and more work getting done. Also, i really didn't feel like i needed to justify myself or my opinions. and it's because all of the comments i heard in class really made me question myself and doubt my original opinion. I actually think that was a good thing because now I've emerged from it and am firm in my beliefs (which have not changed btw) but I am aware that language is oh so so important and I could have phrased things a little differently. I do not think i was clear, and i definitely was misread. But i never cleared that up, so that's on me. Another thing is is that that original post was made with a specific personal story in mind, and i didn't want to put that person in the spotlight. I did not want to make them uncomfortable and in return make myself uncomfortable. it makes me think, if one's political commitment is so strong towards something, would they have been more willing to deal with discomfort or confrontation (would I?)? or if this was not a class simulation and more "real," would i have spoken up? The answer to that is I don't know. My political standings are not very concrete currently, i do not know where i stand on many issues, and thus i feel that i cant make a commitment towards something yet (a full proper commitment). Either way, thanks everyone for the great semester, lots of learning, and lots of thinking, not much changing, however, but that is ok. I do not think i have necessarily transofrmed, but i do think my exposure has widened.

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